How’s your Vulva?

I don’t know about you but for me that was a word from biology class in about grade EIGHT. I’m not sure I had even heard it before then. It was then a very common word in pregnancy AND Seinfeld let it be a household term with the word “Mulva” as a reference point.

As with my upbringing I have felt little to no need, no I take that back, no need to have the word in our household at this point. BUT I GOT TRUMPED thanks to a young vet technician who was comfortable with her vocabulary in front of young children and didn’t get the Mom twitches to have her censor herself.

I suspected Nandi had a UTI and brought her in; Kate and Reilly were out of school so they joined along. I had covered the symptoms on the phone call that I made to schedule the appointment but I get that she wanted to hear it from the horses mouth (get it… horses mouth and I’m at the vet!! anyway….). I said well she is constantly licking herself and she smells terrible, the last few times these symptoms were present she was diagnosed with a UTI. “Have you checked her VULVA?” she asked… the dreaded word… I cringed… and thought to myself NO NOT AT ALL AND I HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING SO which is why I called you. I glanced toward the kids and gave her the look “seriously??” and I replied “no, I have not.” Reilly then said “What’s that Mom?” and I turned and looked at the tech again like “SEEEEE!”. Mentally she must have pleaded the fifth or she just couldn’t hear my Tony and Tia mentaltelepathic dialogue. MAN… for the next 5 minutes she inserted the word four more times, each time begging the question from Reilly. As if I’m going to give a biology lesson in front of the vet tech. Ahhhh, can you just go get the doctor???

Dr Tinkham came in, and obviously understood her audience a bit better than the tech. She talked to me, checked the dog out and wrote a prescription. Simple. Very simple.

Am I over-reacting? Sure. But was I horrified? Yep, I was. I choose to believe I can still have some control over my kids learning, I will continue to be shocked when things like this happen. But hey, I told Reilly it was a car. BWAH!!! No, not really.


One thought on “How’s your Vulva?

  1. I don’t see what’s wrong with children learning the correct terms for their biology. Better that than becoming grown women who still say “hoo-ha” or “va-jay-jay.” Being matter-of-fact about sex is hardly pornographic.

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